The purpose of Action energy in my life is to help me exercise power and purpose, and to maintain boundaries.
Power over ourself, appropriate self-discipline and a clear sense of one’s own personal power, power over others, over nature. The Worker works to establish her willpower in a culture that tells us it is scary to take your power.
The job of the Worker is to establish my strong sense of self, my ego. Our Worker energy establishes our sense of who we are, our self, and so gives us a starting point from which to act. Worker energy brings us successful action, and so confirms that our self is the right self.
Confirming his self he develops his individuality, while discovering his strengths and weakness. Without this grounding we loose our centre, and are not able to properly contain, to have or to hold. Our strong boundaries are our hermetic seal which allow us to build up our inner power and so transform. Without them we get dissipated and diluted and so become ineffectual.
Building the ultimate boundary, our ego, this energy distinguishes between what is ‘us’ and what is ‘not us’.
Worker energy is about self-building and self-defining, autonomy, self-esteem and individuation. The Worker has good self-esteem and balanced ego strength. She is confident.
The Worker picks its team, builds its power and accomplishes its mission. The Worker transforms our basic urges of instinct and movement into activity.
He carries his safety and security within the ground of his body and himself, and so moves into the unknown, willing to take risks and face challenges, with the fire of his strength rising upwards, dynamic and light, moving away from gravity, transforming matter with the strength of his will.
The Worker is willing to leave the way it has always been behind, to leave passivity, to transform his habits, and set a new course.
He is willing to individuate, to to be independent of public opinion, to step out of the familiar and to confront uncertainty. He is willing to be the change he sees that is needed in the world.
Learning about this energy as a child the child seeks to understand and test the boundaries that its parents have set, seeing what boundaries the world has placed around it.
If the boundaries have been set too strictly the child will get scared, thinking the world is dangerous. If the boundaries are indistinct and too lenient the child will get an inflated sense of itself and think it can do anything it wants. This is the time for self development, and self regulation.
A clandestine affair might seem exciting (in your mind or in actuality when it happens), but it cannot compare with giving an orgasm to the woman you married, the woman whom you love and with whom you share everything in your life.
And when you do learn how to give her this incredible God-given pleasure, you might be amazed at how she will become a more exciting person to be around, and how that life-numbing boredom that led you to think about possibly cheating (or maybe actually doing it) will disappear once excitement with an excited spouse has entered your life.
And of course, the only reason a woman would cheat on the man she loves and is married to and wants to spend the rest of her life with is because she’s sexually frustrated, she keeps “getting to the edge of the cliff” and never goes over it.
This is about the most horrendous physical frustration that any human body can endure. Men can’t even imagine getting to the point of almost having an orgasm and never having it because they never experience that. It’s truly beyond their comprehension. And some women have endured this for years!
Many women have told me that sex is not that important, that they’re really looking only for affection, only for hugs and “I love you’s,” but trust me, if her husband takes the time and trouble to learn how to give her an orgasm every time they intercourse, that’s the kind of affection that will keep her faithful and will let her know you cared enough to learn how to show her she’s loved.
And who says the hugs and “I love you’s” won’t be there with the orgasm? Why do so many women think it’s either one or the other, not both?
The bottom line is that every woman who loves a man wants to surrender to that man, wants him to make her have an orgasm through intercourse, but up till now he didn’t know how.
But once he learns how and lovingly teases her and drives her wild and then makes her come in this extraordinary way, this will create incredible respect (he took control of my body) and love (he cares enough to make this unbounded ecstasy happen for me), and intimacy (I feel closer than I ever thought possible to the man I love).
So it takes the love of the husband to understand the possible problem and to have the strength to take charge in the sexual arena. The problem only happens if the man believes it when his wife tells him “It doesn’t feel good,” “Stop,” “Don’t do that anymore,” etc.
When he’s making love with the technique, some women are subconsciously afraid of losing control, even though that’s what they really want. And that fear can only be overcome when it’s replaced by love. A woman must know her husband loves her, and he must take charge of her body.
He cannot be intimidated by her. He must realize that every woman deep down desires her man to take control of her body—not her life, not her money, but her body—and he must take charge of her body.
This is why love and faithfulness and commitment and marriage are so important to a truly happy sex life. When you’re in love and are loved in return by someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, someone you trust totally, you will allow him to take charge of your body and give you sexual nirvana every single time you make love.
You cannot have a great marriage without that deep sexual intimacy. This is what being “in love” is all about.
Not only is it tremendously exciting for a man to feel sexual power over the woman he loves, it is even more exciting for his wife to feel his sexual power. But some women are afraid of a man’s sexual power.
I can’t tell you how many times women have called me on live call-in talk-radio shows and screamed at me that every married woman should be in control of her own orgasm and should learn to masturbate so she’s not dependent on her husband.
I have argued that the only reason women say this is because these women have given up on their husbands ever learning how to give them orgasms through intercourse, and how sad this is.
But once a husband learns how to do this, real sexual excitement will take over the marriage, and if he felt love from her before, he won’t believe the love he’s going to feel from her now.
As I mentioned before, after I did the survey of 486 married women from all over the country in 1980, 1 found out that I was not the only woman “faking” it with my husband (remember, this was 1980 and nobody talked about faking then; it was still in the closet).
Up till then I honestly thought I was the only one, and I also thought there was something wrong with me, because every time we made love, my husband had an orgasm, so there was obviously nothing wrong with him—it had to be me. Or with our sexual techniques.
This ultimately led to my divorce. Let me give you a short scenario on why marriages break up and why husbands and wives cheat.
Everyone is looking for a “soul mate.” I don’t care who you are, a bachelor-type man or a career-oriented woman; underneath it all there is a longing to find your “better half” and become a perfectly together whole.
Now two people meet, fall in love, and get married, each confident that the other is the missing half, the long-sought-after soul mate.
The first few months are divine, and then once in a while the wife will get a little testy and he responds testily.
If an orgasm gives endorphins, her body is screaming out for the missing endorphins resulting from the missing orgasms. And as more months go by, more spats.
How many men could go six months or a year without an orgasm or hardly ever having one? And how cranky, crabby, bitchy would he be if he did go six months or a year without one?
So she bitches about the top he left off the toothpaste tube, the bills, etc., and he screams back. But she’s not bitching about bills or toothpaste tops; her body is very tense and nervous, making her mind and spirit tense and nervous just as his would be if he never got satisfaction.
As the spats continue and slowly worsen after several years, and the yelling gets louder, each starts to think, “This can’t possibly be my soul mate. I made a mistake.” And each starts to secretly re-look for a new and different soul mate. And the marriage is figuratively over.